Trials and Perspective on Realities

Burdens carried in life are all real no matter the size.

Life is designed for learning. Life lessons are not easy to learn and often times are painful, so it seems. My life has been really instructing me on many things I was unaware of in my life as well as teaching me some perspective and thoughts about how to better carry the trials and burdens I am carrying that will in the end make me stronger and a better person if I bear them well.

I recently made the very painful choice to leave an employer that I had been with for nearly thirteen years. There were things that had happened through all of those years that built to an explosive awakening for me. I realized 1) I was choosing to subject myself to a situation that did not make me feel of self worth 2) Some things run deeper than you realize. My exit from the company was certainly less than what I ever expected of myself, but for myself it was for self preservation. That was my reality. If you were to ask my employer, his reality would have differed from mine. This is a valued lesson I am able to understand and take with me in my life’s travels.

We cannot assume that we all share the same reality. We are all very different and can actually be identified from our thumbprint, we are that different. Our experiences in life are all different and even if we experience the same thing, we view the experience differently. How many times have we been to a movie and come out discussing it with friends and they viewed the movie much differently than you did? Our differences is what makes us special an unique. We were not designed to be the same. So when it comes to trials in life, we must assume that we all carry our burdens differently.

I have been plagued by the gloom of unemployment and having to rely on the help of others during my transitional time. Looking for work in today’s economy was something I knew would be difficult, very difficult, but I picked that over enduring another day subjected to a reality of torment I could no longer process and handle. Let someone else who maybe is stronger in areas I was weak take my place. Back to my burdens though…I am out of my game. I am unsure what to do with myself and I’m being tested with patience and faith. I am praying for hope and answers, results, and opportunity to close this chapter of my life book and begin a new one.

It is in the darkness of night that I am most haunted by the years or self torment I have been conditioned to place upon myself. I begin to doubt my abilities, my very person and my own purpose in this world. I come up empty on all accounts because that is my reality. I have been surrounded by amazing friends. Through this I have seen a bridge being rebuilt with family members that I felt I’d lost hope with. I saw new bridges being constructed where an old one no longer worked due to my new awakening. Still with all the support and love, in my darkness it is hard to hear the words of support as true. My own voice and my own thoughts drown out the words of encouragement and hope from others cheering me on. I interpret failure to be employed as a reflection upon who I am and I see myself as a failure in all things. I feel my burdens weighing me down. I loose sleep and self medicate by turning numb over late night TV. Some night I am wracked with such heavy torment and self doubt that I cry for hours on end.

Why am I tormented? Because I am a Christian. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know who I am. I am a child of God. I know why I am here, to learn and to become like God. I know that I can turn to my savior Jesus Christ and he will bear my burdens. How is this a torment? Because I haven’t figured out how to give him my burdens that I so desperately need to give him. I know somehow I am holding myself back. I struggle to feel the peace of the atonement. I have no doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It is the only thing in my life that has never betrayed me. It is the only thing in life that is solid, unmovable and a place I can hold onto in my moments of weakness and self doubt. (which seems to most of the time as of late)

Here’s the thing that I found myself doing…I find myself having my own little “pity party” and having a “woe is me” moment. I think we are allowed these sometimes. I catch myself and try to pull out of this destructive and selfish mode of thinking and think of others who are going through heavier struggle than me. I have a friend who has experienced great loss such as I in having so many loved ones pass away in a short period of time. However her biggest trial right now is the burden of supporting and watching her dear father at the end of his life suffer in the last stages of cancer until his departure from this life. It will be soon. It is not easy. I admire her strength in finding peace with him and supporting him in all ways. I think that is a burden!

True it is. Here is my mistake though. I just devalued my own trial by comparing it to another person’s trial. The thing is that we have different trials. As in my illustration, the rocks representing trials are different sizes. What I came to realize through this past month is that we cannot disregard realities or perspectives. The rocks are both real and are both a burden to the individuals bearing them. We cannot devalue ones trials because it appears smaller than another’s trials. Pain is pain. It simply hurts.

Our Heavenly Father has been known to raise people from the dead. He is the almighty one. That same Heavenly Father has also been known to help a frantic mother find her keys so that she can stay on schedule and make it to her child’s soccer game. Our Father in Heaven sees our trials as only a father and God would. He sees them for what they are to us! We were sent here to become more like him. We are to accept our trials and endure them in faith and obedience to him out of love, not force, and in the end we will be able to find a path of peace and happiness. In becoming more like him, we never compare our lives with that of others in a selfish moment of self pity. We need to acknowledge our reality and accept that of others to gain a better ability to empathize and love ourselves and our fellow man. Only by leaning on our Savior Jesus Christ who truly knows our personal pains in as personal way as we do, and only by being obedient through love to the gospel will we find peace. How long before this lesson really sticks to my soul and it frees me from many burdens in my life? We will see. For now I am grateful to have this knowledge to help me through my transitional stage in life. Giving my will to the will of the Father will be a moment that I give up my stubbornness and trust in the only one who truly “gets” me. I am thankful for tender mercies.

'Tis the Season…almost

The hustle and bustle of work was finally left behind. I packed my Jeep full of the things needed for the holiday weekend at Mom and Dad's in Pima, mainly dirty laundry and the turkey. I hit the road and got flipped off as I was trying to enter the crowded freeway. I fought the urge to repay the man's feelings, but I tried to remember that maybe he was just having a really rough time in his life. I try to remember that I don't know everyone's circumstances for why they act or react the way they do. I've been taught that I can only choose my actions, thus I try to do so. I was not about to let a guy having a bad day ruin my weekend. The traffic headed out of Phoenix, headed across Apache Junction and on across the Apache Indian Reservation turned out to be a pretty pleasant drive. The two lane highway across the reservation is not a fun one in my opinion. Too many impatient drivers mixed with slow moving semi truckers just working for a living, tends to not mix well when it comes to traffic. I prayed that the traffic would be nice and I was blessed. I guess I was ahead of the holiday traffic.

I was happy to pull up to mom and dad's homestead. The wind was cold, but their home was warm. I gave mom the tiny boneless turkey meant to be a prank because if it's size. She'd asked me to bring the turkey this year because due to their schedule of being back in Kansas caring for Grandma Phillips, she knew they would not be back in time to purchase one and have it thawed properly, but she instructed me to get a small one since it was just the three of us. Now, mom is not a meat eater so my little turkey wasn't much of a prank as she said she would be perfectly fine with her tiny turkey. The big turkey was really for my benefit. She named the big one Tom, so I named the little one Jerry, who was tucked away in the freezer for our family Christmas. See you soon Jerry.

Falling asleep tucked into the comfy guest bed was easy. The next morning I was thankful for much. I posted on Facebook for all my friends to know that I am thankful for them, and texted a few really close souls whom I would not be who I am without them. Mom and I prepared the turkey only to discover that since she had not purchased the turkey, she didn't think to buy an oven bag. Never fear, use tin foil, oops she was out of that as well. Dividing time between Arizona and Kansas for years has been a struggle sometimes, but taking care of aging family is worth it. Mom perked up when she realized she's used tin foil to block the sun from coming in through a window while my aunt and uncle had come for a visit this past summer. She'd saved it and was able to pull it out and cover the turkey with it. Whew, I can't make fun of her for saving stuff like that anymore! While the turkey was in the oven, and while mom was working on various items for the upcoming feast, I helped dad lay down some flooring in their add on to their home.

This add-on was something they had been thinking about for some time. The view from the room looks over the valley and allows them a nice view of Mount Graham as well. They often sit out there together and just enjoy each other's company. With all of the family coming to their house for Christmas, the push to get this done before then so that someone can use this room to sleep in has the urgency as first priority. They needed to get the flooring laid this weekend so I could help assist Dad in moving furniture that mom cannot help lift at this time. Glad I can be of some use.

Once the wonderful meal was cooked, eaten and enjoyed, we put the work aside and enjoyed some game time together. Game time pretty much means you need to let dad win or he will pout, but if you let him win, he will gloat and not let you forget he is the winner…it's a vicious circle. Good thing that we love Dad and just torment him when we win and tolerate him when he wins. So far this weekend mom and I have come out the winners most of the games. We let him win one. (someone has to keep the guy humble) Dad is a great man, who serves in his community and church. It is with family that he lets his guard down and just is "dad", and we take him as he is and enjoy it. I think someday he dreams of the day when I have a husband so that the numbers are a bit more even. Mom and I tend to team up against him and he tolerates us. That is what family is all about, right?

Once the brother's called to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving, we left the game for the day, and dad built a fire for us to cozy up with as we watched Ephriam's Rescue. Mom felt that this movie would be a good way to end Thanksgiving Day. The film is based upon journal entries from various folks who were involved in the Willie Martin Handcart Company, a group of Mormon pioneers. This group faithfully crossed rugged land to relocate in Salt Lake City in the 1800's. Leaving behind their homes, and wealth, the pursued their religious freedom to worship as they believed. So many stories have emerged from these faithful religious saints. This story was wonderful to watch and appreciate all that we have because of the choices these folks made. I look to them as an example of how to truly live what I believe. I truly am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and know that it has blessed many, many lives and can bless all who accept it and look to Him for guidance in life.

The following Friday, I awoke and captured the beautiful sunrise. No wonder mom and dad have built their home looking at this every morning. I was grateful for such a gift from a loving Heavenly Father. Just like this sunrise, if you are not looking, you will miss the gifts he gives. Look up, and receive these gifts, for they are for our benefit. I thought of all the shoppers that were in the trenches of Black Friday and was glad I got to enjoy a great gift without all the commotion. I've become less and less a fan of the Black Friday shopping because of the horrific stories I hear each year. I simply cannot spend one day being in tune with all that God has given me and they see the polar opposite as adult selfishly fight like children to purchase a gift that is supposed to represent love and peace. I think we are missing the mark. Now I know I have friends that enjoy the excitement of shopping on this day, and I do not look down on it, I know they are not the ones who are throwing fists and elbows, and cussing at fellow shoppers. I just wish everyone would step back and simply find the humanity again and enjoy what life has to offer. I know more then ever before that life can be cut short. For myself, I simply choose to enjoy my holiday weekend enjoying the company of my amazing parents.

Mom requested that we switch places this day. I spend time in the kitchen and she helped dad lay the floor. She simply does not love being in the kitchen. She is not as into cooking as I am, but when it is her home, I let her usually take the reigns. So they settled in to finish the flooring while I went to work making good use of the leftover turkey. I threw together soup and made turkey and dumplings, something mom and I enjoy. I discovered that dad doesn't like that kind of soup because "it's for sick people". Oh well, we still enjoyed it. They finished the flooring and I helped dad move the furniture around wishing that future husband was around to help with stuff like that! Mom and I made out way into town in the afternoon and could only really see the aftermath of the morning's battles. The evening was closed with us all falling asleep to Wreck It Ralph. I don't think it's a soothing story meant to put you to sleep, but when you work and eat all weekend, I guess once you stop, you just fall asleep.

Saturday was more working, cleaning and putting up Christmas. We also played more of the Hand and Foot card game as dad really, really tried to win a game. Poor guy, it wasn't his weekend to win. It's tradition that mom and I put up Christmas while dad enjoys football. Saturday was BYU all the way, football in the afternoon and basketball at night. Mom and I we kept busy with our little projects, me writing a talk for church, her making goodies for dad to take to his home teaching families.

All in all, I love coming to their home because it's a place of love and peace. We also laugh. Mom has a great sense of humor. Her home is filled with chickens in all shapes and sizes. Her brother-in-law often sees a unique looking chicken figure and will buy it and give it to her when they get together. As mom and I were decorating the Christmas tree I was introduced to her latest in her chicken family. This sleigh riding chicken is so much the character of my mother, "enjoy life". Happy Thanksgiving all!

Another type of graduation...

Nearly a month has passed since Sherri's passing and on the other end of life, another friends also graduated of sorts. CJ and I also met in an LDS singles setting. We eventually became roommates. She and I became close, like sisters. We got under each other's nerves, and had some really, really good times together. She was my rescuer when I had a serious health issue and came to my rescue even though she was tired and very much in need of rest herself. She was fabulous. As with all of my close friends, I admire and am inspired by their good attributes and try to learn from their example. CJ is hyper and always optimistic. We joked that "everyday is a parade" because she always smiles, always waves and always seems to know everyone, or at least knows their dog! I was her roommate when she first met Devon. I'd seen her go out with guys before, but nothing ever panned out. Well, this one did. Unfortunately the only time they could get together was late at night! To give them privacy I often would hide in my bedroom to give them space to talk and get to know one another. I obviously did not need to be a part of that process. It became clear to me that Devon wasn't going anywhere and that my time being CJ's roommate might be coming to an end. This weekend I had the honor of sitting amongst her family and closest friends as she was married to Devon. I won't hold it against Devon that I had to move out, I like my new place. I have had to make it clear that I still get time with Jasmine, CJ's dog that I really adore. So here I am, with Jasmine in my watch care and CJ and Devon begin their life together as Mr. and Mrs. Platt. I'm absolutely thrilled to see such joyful events happening to such wonderful friends. I truly felt joy for her as she made this very big and very exciting step in her life. I know they will be a wonderful support to each other and I look forward to watching their adventures unfold. Wishing you the very best, CJ and Devon! I'll see you on the slopes this winter. Just because you got married, doesn't mean you can ditch me all the time. Enjoy the ride my friends.

Graduation

October 20, 2013 I had to come to terms with the painful "goodbye" of a dear friend. We met years ago in an LDS singles church group and later became friends and roommates. Sherri Lynn Bond would become one of my quiet friends who was always a rock that I leaned upon. We did not talk every day, nor every week, but not a month would go by when we didn't have some form of communication. She was always at the top of my lists when I would decide to throw a dinner party and was making my list of invitees. While we were roommates, she shared her family with me. I was invited to Sunday dinners and sat at their family table. I got to meet her grandfather and came to love his sweet personality. I knew where the good traits in her family came from as I observed the generations of gentle hands, and kind hearts. I played games with the family as if I was one of the family. I watched her siblings' families grow and Sherri basked in being the proud Aunt. My strongest memories are those in which were spent one on one in long conversations. She was one who I often vented to about my trials. I could talk to her through anger, through tears, through joy and she listened. She didn't often try to "fix" my problems. She simply listened and gave me support. She didn't pretend to have answers to my problems, she simply supplied empathy for my feelings. I found that kind of support so comforting. Sometimes the roles would reverse and she would unload her trials upon me. I listen, but I often give advice to which I have no idea if it's good advice or not, but I felt good that she trusted me as a friend to talk to me, even if I could do nothing to help her situation. She was a kind and gentle hearted individual.

As fall came upon us this year, my friend Stacy, reminded me that is was the season for our annual Pumpkin Stew Dinner. I had inadvertently formed a tradition with Stacy and Sherri. Every fall when the pumpkins begin coming out for Halloween, I pick out a large one, carve it out, fill it with stew fixings and bake it in the oven, then invite Sherri and Stacy for dinner! Sherri introduced me to Stacy many years ago and I've been blessed because of my association with such great women. Through text messaging, we ironed out a weekend to get together for our stew night. October 19th, 2013. Sherri had worked that day. I'm sure she was tired from working a full week and she was still so gracious to open her cute home to her friends to host dinner. It was nothing fancy, we ate, talked, laughed and recharged by being around good friends who build you up and enlighten your life. I love my close friends for their support and ability to constantly inspire and uplift me to be a better person in my life.

Stacy bid farewell early that evening with commitments in her busy life. I figured Sherri would be tired and look forward to an early end to the evening and was going to follow Stacy out the door. Sherri seemed surprised that I was leaving early and especially without partaking of the Blue Bunny Oreo ice cream she had purchased for dessert. Well, who can turn down ice cream with a dear friend. She dished up a perfect serving and we settled in to enjoy one of our long conversations where we simply talked about life. She shared with me her current concerns and I found that she already had a plan of attack to make changes in her life to improve a difficult work situation. I was supportive and felt proud of how strong she was and how she was handling life and the many difficult challenges it had thrown at her. Sometimes when I leave my friends after hearing their burdens, I walk away feeling helpless and uneasy for them because their lives are so challenging. When I finally drove away that evening I felt at peace for her. Ironically that was a motto for her life "Pray for Peace". She had picked that up from our former roommate Becky, who used to say that phrase whenever she was humorously trying to face silly challenges in life. It was often shared with humor, but a constant reminder that we can truly pray for peace from a loving Heavenly Father and we can feel peace even in very difficult times in our lives. Why? Because we are His children and He loves us far more than we can ever imagine. I felt at peace for my friend Sherri when I drove away late that evening. I was grateful to have a good friend like her and I love the long conversations I always had with her.

I would not know that the evening would be my last with her. Still even now I know what a blessing it was to have had that little gift of time with her, my favorite kind of time with her. We had plans on the following day to have dinner at her parent's home, just like old times, and then head off to an LDS singles fireside that we needed each other's support to attend. The following day, I got a text message from her letting me know she was canceling our plans and that she was sorry. I was not offended and it didn't bother me that she had to back out. We were good enough friends, that you didn't have to explain yourself if you needed to back out of something. To set her mind at ease, I let her know I was cool with it, I would enjoy not having to stay in my Sunday clothes and get laundry done that had piled up. She text me back joking that it was sad when we actually get excited about doing laundry, but then she closed with "Thanks for being a treasured friend". Those were her parting words to me. Within hours I would get a phone call from another close mutual friend who had also intended to attend the same singles fireside. I knew from the way she cried out my name when I picked up the phone that something horribly was wrong. She then informed me with a broken heart that our dear friend was gone. I am still trying to comprehend that she is gone and that I will no longer enjoy those long conversations and enjoy her humor, her smile, her laugh, her support. I raced to be with my friend and Sherri's family, who I felt close to because Sherri had invited me into the inner circle of her family through our friendship. As we sat in Sherri's home that evening, trying to comprehend how we would deal with our tremendous loss, we all felt such love, peace and happiness in her home! I knew without a doubt that those were the feelings Sherri was feeling as she was freed from the burdens of this physical life here on earth. We talked and we knew she'd been prepared by her Father in Heaven to leave this life at that time. She had finished her work here and now surely had much to do on the other side, doing what she loved most, the Lord's work. Helping others. Uplifting others. As the week passed, and her funeral was approaching, stories were shared in remembering a dear friend, sister and daughter. Nearly all who knew her realized that they only knew a small part of her. She was quiet. She didn't like to be the center of attention, in fact she hated it. Yet, she managed to spend her life serving others without anyone knowing just how dedicated she was to serving and blessing other's lives. We all knew on an individual basis of how much she helped us, but I myself was blown away that she chose me as a friend. She was absolutely more amazing then I could have imagined because of the ways she lived her life! She spend as much effort as she could in serving and loving others. She placed her needs often behind that of others. How many times did I drone on about my life while she quietly suffered her own trials, but still had strength to make me smile and inspire me to push forward in my life? Sherri is still very much missed. I have my moments when I still cry myself to sleep as I ache to talk to her again. I get bummed when I think of all the things I looked forward to doing with her and no longer can. Yet, I turn to her example and have let it change me. I thank her for inspiring me through her quiet example. Her friends will gather often with her sister and mother, as Sherri often did, and support them now, where Sherri can't as she has work to do, going about her Father's business. Thank you friend. Until we meet again...

I'm a slacker as far as blogging goes...

I'll admit I'm a slacker when it comes to blogging. As a child mom and dad gave each one of us children a beginner journal with worksheets that helped a child learn to write about themselves and share a part of their lives. I began to enjoy journal writing and have kept up on it ever since. Sometimes I goes for several days in a row, and other moments I find that time gets away from me and I let weeks lapse before picking up pen an journal and scratching down some of my life experiences. I recently relocated into an apartment by myself, giving up the roommate living situation all together. As I was packing to move, I came a cross my box of journals and was amazed at how many journals I have accumulated over the years. They come in different shapes and sizes. Each one filled with different challenges of my life in that moment. My journals are not pages I've ever gone back and read. I think of them more often as written therapy. I vent out my frustrations over my life challenges and try to change my perspective. I suppose someday I might go back and read through those pages, but I'm not too keen on reliving the frustration written on the pages. That being said, I've really had a blessed life. At one time I thought that perhaps I shouldn't record my negative thoughts, frustrations and opinions upon the pages of journals. I've always fallen back on the fact that I'm single, I don't have kids that are going to read these pages, nor anyone else who might be interested in them. However, life can change and so as I considered what I write in them, I decided to leave my thoughts as they come to me. It's who I am. If I were to only write the good things in life, then it wouldn't truly be my life journey. The trials are what builds to make those positive moments in life. So I leave my personal thoughts to be recorded in my journals and blogs seem to be more inspirational because I actually figure someone out there is actually reading these...maybe.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM
So, first and foremost, today. I would like to put a shout out to my mother who turns sixty-five today! I texted her and she said she was out enjoying her morning walk. I've often gone on her walk with her when I go out to visit. They have cotton fields down blow their home in which they walk the old farmers roads. Mom and dad go together and just enjoy the pure moment of the outdoors with the person they most love to spend time with. They tell me of the occasional adventure with a run-in with javelina or other critters. Once I got a text picture of my mom with a very dirty face. Apparently they had been on their walks and a javelina chased them up a tree. Mom got dirty doing so and it wasn't until the moment of panic passed that dad pulled out his camera. I know that most of all she just enjoys being outside. She's always loved the outdoors and so it seemed fitting that I would find her welcoming in her birthday with a pleasant morning walk in the cotton fields. She also is one of the few who are actually excited that today's AZ temperatures will be hitting 100 degrees today. Yet another natural birthday gift for her. I love how simple things make her happy. She's never been a high maintenance sort of person. I've tried to become more like my mother even though as a teenager I thought I wanted to be anything but like my mother. In time comes wisdom and I know that if I can be anything like her, I'll be doing alright by life.

THE PASSING OF A MOTHER...
This past weekend I attended the funeral of a friend's mother. I am not sure how I've gone this long without ever actually attending an LDS funeral. This was only my second funeral ever. The few deaths who have been close to me have been too far of a distance for me to travel to attend their funerals. I usually feel quite worthless when it comes to being any help when it comes to seeing a friend loose a parent. This is the first time I had the opportunity to lend a hand with my talents. I was able to jump in and help lend my graphic design abilities to lift the burden of the funeral program design. I've had to design funeral programs at work and they are always my toughest assignments. I know that the families are grieving and it is hard to focus on a program that seems like a last tribute to that loved one. As I sat and helped design and layout the program with my friend, I hoped that it helped her feel comfort in the tribute it gave to her mother. I watched as she and her sisters came together, sometimes bickered, in the process of planning the funeral. Emotions are raw and tender. Only with passing time will strength be felt from the painful moment of loss. I know for myself that knowing that there is life after death and that the passing of a loved one from this life is temporary. Adjustments in this life are still painful and certainly expected, but thankfully with the love of a Savior, I know that the pain will ease and that life is meant to be lived. My own mother and I have spoken about what we'd expect of loved ones after we are gone. We'd want them to carry on, enjoy life and live happy lives, growing as this life is designed to help us do. I watched my best childhood friend loose her father over a year ago. His passing hit me harder than any other person passing in my life. Her family had been like a second family to me when I was small. I was sad that I couldn't make it to Utah for her funeral, but was inspired by the tribute and honor that all of his children payed to him and how they honor him in the way they live their lives. Any loving father would hope to leave such a legacy behind.

MOVING ON AND THE CIRCLE OF LIFE...
As I spent the weekend helping lend whatever hand I could to the funeral so that my friends could simply enjoy the funeral service rather than stress about setting up, tearing down and what not, I spent the day in their service as the only thing I could think of to help ease the pain and stress of the moment. (truthfully, I still felt like I was doing nothing and wished I could do more) Family and close friends left to attend the graveside service and I stayed behind at the church building to give the family that private moment. I lingered with the ladies of the Relief Society of the LDS Ward in charge of the lunch for the family. I'd seen the work of this amazing organization come together often. I've been given the opportunity to be a part of such services. They women in charge take their responsibilities very serious and stress about it because of empathy. Each one of them has been through a loss and know that something as simple as a warm meal on such a day is a comfort. But, these ladies don't just serve a meal. They set up tables and placed center pieces upon them with fresh flowers. They placed chocolate kisses on each table because they know the sister who passed loved chocolate, a small tribute. As I was putting away the memoir items these ladies began asking to use them for the lunch to place out for the family to continue to enjoy as they gathered for the meal. Each detail was an act of love. The worry over if all of the cakes, potato casseroles and ham would arrive on time was out of love. While I was visiting with these ladies, whom I'd never met before I found out from one woman that my friends whom I was supporting that day and recently became their newest tenant, had purchased the home of a long time friend who happened to be one of my favorite clients. I was thrilled to find out that they property I lived on once belonged to a really good guy and his family. On Monday as I returned to work after an emotional weekend, I took a moment to email Kevin and tell him that I was now living on his late father's property. I know that the gals who bought it have enjoyed the space and have taken the time to renovate the home and make it their own. Kevin responded back and told me a bit of background of what his dad was like and about the property and growing up there. He explained that after the passing of his parents, none of the kids were in the position to move back into a home that needed extensive renovations and they had to make the difficult decision to sell it. He'd been pleased to sell it to someone who enjoyed it for what it was and that they were not turning around and developing the property for commercial gain. I am reminded that there is a circle in life. When we pass from this life, we leave behind the worldly things, and that which we leave behind may very well become the rich blessings of another whom we didn't know.

My journals may or may not benefit anyone someday when I'm gone, but somehow I hope that the legacy I leave behind will benefit someone else. I know my friend doesn't see how she will pick up and live each day without her mother, but I see the legacy her mother has left in this amazing daughter. I see that as time passes, she will reach out and be touching lives spreading the love she learned from her mother and life's challenges and blessings. We may never know how our lives will touch others. We are lucky to get any sort of feedback in this matter, but know that each action we do in life truly is leaving an impression behind. So let's make it a good impression! Grasp those challenges and see the good. Keep this circle going.

Civiche for my coworkers

This is a special treat I make on May 5th. I never paid attention to this date until I moved to Arizona. Go figure. Many years ago we had a coworker that brought in this civiche and we loved it so much. I got the basic recipe from him and have continued to make it work my coworkers. They literally drink this stuff. I bring in about five pounds of this stuff and never go home with an ounce left in the bowl!

Lots and lots of freshly diced tomatoes!Just keep cutting, just keep cutting!

A few other important ingredients...

Grab a bag of Frito Lay corn chip scoops and you too can be an addict! Enjoy!

Mom's Birthday in Pima

The Pima trip always begins with the long drive from Phoenix to Pima across the lone and dreary desert! The ride is only made more interesting with snacks and the iPod playing hours of music to help keep me alert and awake.

Once I've arrived, I don't have to do much arm twisting to do s'mores that night. I was eager to see how well my fire starter worked. I used to watch Bear Grills on Man VS. Wild and he used this tool a lot to start fires. I volunteered to start the fire, but with newspaper, I couldn't get it to catch. We pulled out dryer lint and presto...

...we have a fire perfect for s'more making.

Mom's birthday celebrations are not complete without the heavy dosing of sugar. She loves a good s'more, and especially when it means time well spent with her family.

Day Two
As tradition in our family the birthday person chooses the activities and food for their special day. Mom picked exploring the Red Knolls. We often find ourselves in these unique rock structures exploring. I find them fascinating. We've been enough times, there are some spots that are our favorite that we must visit each time.

After a long sweaty adventure, we were ready to dust off and settle in for the next activity mom had picked out...ice cream and games!

Mom picked out the flavors for her special homemade ice cream batch...rolo and banana ice cream. It was pretty good! We played a few rounds of Hand and Foot. (Dad calls it Hoof and Mouth) I'm pretty sure I didn't win any of the rounds, but then again, I'm not great at these games, I just enjoy playing them.

As a final gift, Dad and I gave Mom a dog figurine to add to her dog collection. This little dog carries sentimental value because this one reminds her of her little Echo, whom we lost several years ago, but was a much beloved member of our family. It seemed only appropriate to leave her weekend with a happy reminder of the wonderful things in life that make it worth celebrating each year! Love you mom!