I'll admit I'm a slacker when it comes to blogging. As a child mom and dad gave each one of us children a beginner journal with worksheets that helped a child learn to write about themselves and share a part of their lives. I began to enjoy journal writing and have kept up on it ever since. Sometimes I goes for several days in a row, and other moments I find that time gets away from me and I let weeks lapse before picking up pen an journal and scratching down some of my life experiences. I recently relocated into an apartment by myself, giving up the roommate living situation all together. As I was packing to move, I came a cross my box of journals and was amazed at how many journals I have accumulated over the years. They come in different shapes and sizes. Each one filled with different challenges of my life in that moment. My journals are not pages I've ever gone back and read. I think of them more often as written therapy. I vent out my frustrations over my life challenges and try to change my perspective. I suppose someday I might go back and read through those pages, but I'm not too keen on reliving the frustration written on the pages. That being said, I've really had a blessed life. At one time I thought that perhaps I shouldn't record my negative thoughts, frustrations and opinions upon the pages of journals. I've always fallen back on the fact that I'm single, I don't have kids that are going to read these pages, nor anyone else who might be interested in them. However, life can change and so as I considered what I write in them, I decided to leave my thoughts as they come to me. It's who I am. If I were to only write the good things in life, then it wouldn't truly be my life journey. The trials are what builds to make those positive moments in life. So I leave my personal thoughts to be recorded in my journals and blogs seem to be more inspirational because I actually figure someone out there is actually reading these...maybe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM
So, first and foremost, today. I would like to put a shout out to my mother who turns sixty-five today! I texted her and she said she was out enjoying her morning walk. I've often gone on her walk with her when I go out to visit. They have cotton fields down blow their home in which they walk the old farmers roads. Mom and dad go together and just enjoy the pure moment of the outdoors with the person they most love to spend time with. They tell me of the occasional adventure with a run-in with javelina or other critters. Once I got a text picture of my mom with a very dirty face. Apparently they had been on their walks and a javelina chased them up a tree. Mom got dirty doing so and it wasn't until the moment of panic passed that dad pulled out his camera. I know that most of all she just enjoys being outside. She's always loved the outdoors and so it seemed fitting that I would find her welcoming in her birthday with a pleasant morning walk in the cotton fields. She also is one of the few who are actually excited that today's AZ temperatures will be hitting 100 degrees today. Yet another natural birthday gift for her. I love how simple things make her happy. She's never been a high maintenance sort of person. I've tried to become more like my mother even though as a teenager I thought I wanted to be anything but like my mother. In time comes wisdom and I know that if I can be anything like her, I'll be doing alright by life.
THE PASSING OF A MOTHER...
This past weekend I attended the funeral of a friend's mother. I am not sure how I've gone this long without ever actually attending an LDS funeral. This was only my second funeral ever. The few deaths who have been close to me have been too far of a distance for me to travel to attend their funerals. I usually feel quite worthless when it comes to being any help when it comes to seeing a friend loose a parent. This is the first time I had the opportunity to lend a hand with my talents. I was able to jump in and help lend my graphic design abilities to lift the burden of the funeral program design. I've had to design funeral programs at work and they are always my toughest assignments. I know that the families are grieving and it is hard to focus on a program that seems like a last tribute to that loved one. As I sat and helped design and layout the program with my friend, I hoped that it helped her feel comfort in the tribute it gave to her mother. I watched as she and her sisters came together, sometimes bickered, in the process of planning the funeral. Emotions are raw and tender. Only with passing time will strength be felt from the painful moment of loss. I know for myself that knowing that there is life after death and that the passing of a loved one from this life is temporary. Adjustments in this life are still painful and certainly expected, but thankfully with the love of a Savior, I know that the pain will ease and that life is meant to be lived. My own mother and I have spoken about what we'd expect of loved ones after we are gone. We'd want them to carry on, enjoy life and live happy lives, growing as this life is designed to help us do. I watched my best childhood friend loose her father over a year ago. His passing hit me harder than any other person passing in my life. Her family had been like a second family to me when I was small. I was sad that I couldn't make it to Utah for her funeral, but was inspired by the tribute and honor that all of his children payed to him and how they honor him in the way they live their lives. Any loving father would hope to leave such a legacy behind.
MOVING ON AND THE CIRCLE OF LIFE...
As I spent the weekend helping lend whatever hand I could to the funeral so that my friends could simply enjoy the funeral service rather than stress about setting up, tearing down and what not, I spent the day in their service as the only thing I could think of to help ease the pain and stress of the moment. (truthfully, I still felt like I was doing nothing and wished I could do more) Family and close friends left to attend the graveside service and I stayed behind at the church building to give the family that private moment. I lingered with the ladies of the Relief Society of the LDS Ward in charge of the lunch for the family. I'd seen the work of this amazing organization come together often. I've been given the opportunity to be a part of such services. They women in charge take their responsibilities very serious and stress about it because of empathy. Each one of them has been through a loss and know that something as simple as a warm meal on such a day is a comfort. But, these ladies don't just serve a meal. They set up tables and placed center pieces upon them with fresh flowers. They placed chocolate kisses on each table because they know the sister who passed loved chocolate, a small tribute. As I was putting away the memoir items these ladies began asking to use them for the lunch to place out for the family to continue to enjoy as they gathered for the meal. Each detail was an act of love. The worry over if all of the cakes, potato casseroles and ham would arrive on time was out of love. While I was visiting with these ladies, whom I'd never met before I found out from one woman that my friends whom I was supporting that day and recently became their newest tenant, had purchased the home of a long time friend who happened to be one of my favorite clients. I was thrilled to find out that they property I lived on once belonged to a really good guy and his family. On Monday as I returned to work after an emotional weekend, I took a moment to email Kevin and tell him that I was now living on his late father's property. I know that the gals who bought it have enjoyed the space and have taken the time to renovate the home and make it their own. Kevin responded back and told me a bit of background of what his dad was like and about the property and growing up there. He explained that after the passing of his parents, none of the kids were in the position to move back into a home that needed extensive renovations and they had to make the difficult decision to sell it. He'd been pleased to sell it to someone who enjoyed it for what it was and that they were not turning around and developing the property for commercial gain. I am reminded that there is a circle in life. When we pass from this life, we leave behind the worldly things, and that which we leave behind may very well become the rich blessings of another whom we didn't know.
My journals may or may not benefit anyone someday when I'm gone, but somehow I hope that the legacy I leave behind will benefit someone else. I know my friend doesn't see how she will pick up and live each day without her mother, but I see the legacy her mother has left in this amazing daughter. I see that as time passes, she will reach out and be touching lives spreading the love she learned from her mother and life's challenges and blessings. We may never know how our lives will touch others. We are lucky to get any sort of feedback in this matter, but know that each action we do in life truly is leaving an impression behind. So let's make it a good impression! Grasp those challenges and see the good. Keep this circle going.
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