Have you ever had one of those nights where you just know you are not going to get any sleep? I had one of those nights last night. I tossed and turned, tried to fall asleep, but sleep wouldn't come. My mind has been racing with recent dilemmas in my life currently. I tossed and turned until two in the morning before getting mad at myself for not just getting up and doing something more productive. I finally got out of bed and quietly turned on my bedroom light. My mind needed something else to occupy it's thoughts. I pulled out a binder that holds notepaper and my May Ensign. (General Conference talks) I opened it up to begin reading as a goal to read the issue cover to cover. I am so bad at learning from text. I struggled in school and therefore I think that is why I never went to a university. I just have a hard time retaining the words I read in none-story format. I read two talks with a red pen in hand and underlined parts that struck me especially important and made notes in the margin. I then jotted down notes and thoughts in my notebook as another collective study of the words of these spiritually driven leaders. I often wish I had more ability to shut out the world and focus more on the spiritual side of life that means so much more to me than I let on. I often am frustrated by the temporal needs I have to tend to for the simple fact that I am mortal. My heart most soars when I am spiritually communicating with the spirit of my Heavenly Father. I realize this is a concept not all understand whom do not believe in God. I know for myself, this higher power in life brings me comfort where no other mortal can sooth my worried brow. I have found no other source in my life that can bring this pure comfort and pure love felt beyond my flesh and blood. All weakness in me is due to me caving into the will of my physical body when what drives my life is my spirit which is more deeply connected to my Lord than I can imagine. I don't have to know all the answers of how this happens. I simply take comfort in the joy that comes from this connection. Within the LDS religion, we believe we are literal sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. I can tell you that for myself, I feel this truth because I can feel his love for me. That love is, at times, the very thing that drives me to wake up and put on my "happy face" to carry out my mortal duties of work and everyday living. I often do not want to face the stresses that await me everyday at work, but take comfort in the solitude I can come home to where I feel I can commune with my Heavenly Father and seek strength from him to face another day packed with challenges that will help build me as a person with integrity and character. I took notes of the words I read from the talks and finally my mind found rest and I fell back into my bed and found a few hours of sleep before I was faced with another day.
My challenges in life seem small compared to the rest of the world and the trials and tribulations that others must face. My challenges, at times can appear as mountains in my life in which I do not feel I can climb. I watch as others scramble over their mountains and set an example of endurance. I am blessed with much and realize perspective is what it's all about. You can hold a tiny pebble close to your eye and it can fill your entire vision, but hold it out at arms length and you begin to see just how small it really is. As cheesy as it is, the advise to make lemonade when life gives you lemons really is sound advise. I am a totally believer in the fact that we receive what we seek, it's all about how we look at things. Do not focus so much on the end that you forget to live now! Life is beautiful in so many small and simple ways. I regularly read my friends blogs and see examples of those seeing the joys in the small things that happen everyday! Take joy in these, for these too are blessings and gifts given to bring us the feeling of our Heavenly Father's love. I cherish them!
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